Heya guys!
When Aurora was born, she brought the sunny heatwave with her! She had 3 solid months of sun and is now seeing rain and grey clouds for the first time in her life.
This Summer has been so gorgeous for me. I’ve been free of postpartum depression and anxiety for a year now, and although I’ve been suffering with stress and heart palpitations, I can still think and feel clearly, and experience and appreciate joy ❤️
Sometimes mental illnesses last a long time, and sometimes they can go away. We can always recover from the roughest parts with support and patience. Sometimes they don’t go away.
When I learned that community was the common denominator in successful journeys of recovery, I made sure to start reaching out and keeping up with the people I value, to make sure they now how much I love and care for them.
The Summer was particularly gorgeous because Auroras birth was good. I had been so hurt by my first childbirth and Mum-experience, that having such a good experience brought so much gratitude for life.
Cause major experiences like this make you question- what is life? As we are pretty much just masses of atoms which hold together, to make a form that can house sparks of energy, which can be translated in to thoughts, feelings and reality and ultimately identity... why are we here? Why does it matter since we will not be known nor remembered by future generations. Since the lessons we learn and amazing/awful things we experience, will only ever exist in our memory until that memory is gone?
Sure, we can advance humanity, but in the midst of pain, striving, suffering, love, peace, joy and fear... how can we be assured of our purpose?
I believe that it’s important to think about and grapple with. Although it can be an unnerving subject, it can also bring freedom, peace and perspective.
When I’m thinking clearly, and the days worries, tasks, feelings, pressures and activities have quietened, I often find an unsettling but peaceful relief, in grounding myself in the knowledge that it’s all meaningless.
When ‘stuff’ gets stripped down to being meaningless, what you’re left with is infinitely valuable.
Everything we work so hard to achieve and accumulate and grow and build, will not last and will be torn down.
Happiness is a destination never reached... because if you’re trying to get it, then you’ve already missed it. It’s a choice you have to make regardless of circumstance, and it might not always make you feel warm and fuzzy.
I read about a couple who gave up their home and jobs, to move to an impoverished country and set up an orphanage. They took their children with them. After initial despair of the life they had put their 3 children in when they moved from abundance to squalor, they grew in resilience.
Happiness and joy is one thing, contentment is another. I think contentment is most closely related to satisfaction and endurance more than the normal perception of feeling nice and comfortable.
The couple explained that some of the orphans had been trafficked over in boxes without enough oxygen, so they had suffered too much brain damage to give anything to anyone, they were completely dependant. I think they could smile and laugh.
When the orphans die prematurely in the couples arms they don’t say ‘well what’s the point, they’re gonna die anyway.’ No. They say, ‘if God made this life, there’s a purpose in this life beyond my knowing. I will look after this child the way I’d hope someone would look after mine had this been the other way around.’ Purpose is not about transaction. You can’t earn and gain purpose, you ARE purpose. Purpose only exists because you do. You’re a jumble of perfect atoms that has created ideas, purpose and value.
Ultimately, when I know there’s no point in keep trying to strive and be what the world tries to sell you and what people expect of you, what’s left is love.
Our instinct is to fear and avoid pain, but without dark how will you know light? When nothing matters, there’s nothing to worry about. You are free to choose happiness, love and be loved. Striving is like chasing after the wind. Instead just fly a kite of love, cause you are purpose itself- embodied love, a masterpiece of senses, thoughts and feelings, and you have the power to be you.
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